My Life, Past and Present

I've never had a blog acct. and I'm not to sure what to do. I keep reading the comments sent via e-mail, and I'm understanding little. I've journal ed half my life,and would love to share some of my experiences and poems. So here I go. Also, I thank-you in advance for your time and comments,
Sharon L.

When I used to sit and write about the past, I'd often be filled with shame, guilt and remorse. All I seemed to rememberwere painful memories. To day it is still hard to think of much joy as a child, but understand my past today, and no longer need to carry the weight or the pain from the past.


My journey to find myself started in 1986, three years afterthe birth of my first child, Johanna. How happy I was to experience motherhood, a child of my own to love and take care of. I was 20 years old at the time, and thought I had all the answers. Little did I know, I was just about to start learning what questions to ask!


Johanna was a special child, being my first she was an angel sent to save me from myself. You see I was on a path of self destruction, and her birth gave my life purpose and a reason to continue on. I so desperately wanted to feel love, and with a child of my own to love, she would love me back. This I thought was the answer. I loved being a mom, and soon realized that the life to which I was accustomed did not fit in with motherhood.


After Johanna was born, I called and told her father he had a daughter. He came to meet her, and fell in love with her. We started seeing each other more often and soon found ourselves pregnant again! This time it was a little different. We stayed together and found a little apartment. I thought my life was perfect, that I had all I could ever want. Johanna was 1&1/2 years old when her brother Tommy was born. His first day home Jojo pulled him out of his bassinet and gave him his first black eye. What could be more fun than one child, two! I was able to stay home and be a mom and a wife. This was very important to me, for you see growing up I had no father, and mom doing the best she could wasn't home often. I wanted to be there for my kids. I still feel I made a very good decision, this time prepared them for their paths in this life, and it was and still is the most wonderful gift I could have been given.